Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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