tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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