did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
