My friends, they love my intelligence
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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