we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
