He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
