Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
