only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
