Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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