the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She bit a glass in half.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
