just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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