Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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