I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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