Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
