Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
