Whoa Z and x make the same sound
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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