if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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