what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My penis needs a shock collar
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
