I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
