Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
