I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize