its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize