census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
