yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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