i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
