first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
