When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
