Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
honey bunches of taint.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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