do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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