She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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