why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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