what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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