She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I touched a dick in church today
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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