Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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