white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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