Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I could make wine with my vomit
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
