capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
