i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
