oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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