you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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