When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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