You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
