I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
