apparently the secret to your success is patron
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
