I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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