She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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