I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
