That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
