Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
