He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
