i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
