im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
