Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
