Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
her vagine was all disorganized.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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