She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
