My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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