Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
