Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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