South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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