i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
