Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Is it penis luge time yet?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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