I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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