I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
