I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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