i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
