Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
