I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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