Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
